…a pinhole look into the life of one not-so-ordinary girl.
there is something i noticed about myself a couple years ago. i compare myself to others a lot. i compare myself to not only other moms or females, but also males. i compare myself to even my husband.
once i put it outside of my brain like this, i realize its utterly silly and unnecessary and extremely harmful.
i’m sure you know the ways it’s harmful to you, but here is a way (out of many) it’s harmful to me:
after (or simultaneously) comparing, i make judgments. i think, “i would do/say that differently and because they didn’t, they obviously don’t know what i know or haven’t been through _______ in their life.”
1. how do i know what they do and don’t know? i don’t.
2. how on earth can i know all that a given person has been through in their life? i can’t.
3. is it my place to determine why and how and what an adult should do/say in a situation? (other than my husband, bahaha. jk) no, it’s not.
so, when i do this evil deed of comparing and judging, guess where it leaves me?
it leaves me with more pride and with (even more than i struggle with on a given day) thoughts that reveal a false sense of security in the me i am right now. it leaves me thinking i am perfect and great and there is no room, nor even a need for me to change and grow.
that is dangerous.
after i am done with my internal rant about knowing more or being better than so-and-so, i am left with feelings of guilt and judgment for myself and insecurity from the blather my head produces:
what makes me so special that i think other people should conform to my ideals; my opinions; my personality; my likes and dislikes; my parenting style? who am i? who said i was meant for anything? who cares about me?
do you see what happens? when i compare (judge) i end up not only thinking less of others and causing my heart to put up a wall between them and i, but i also end up thinking less of myself and put up a wall within myself – a wall that divides how i view myself through my weaknesses and who i am; the truth.
i don’t want to be a robot. i don’t want my children to dream only as far as their peers allow; nor do i wish for them to stand in the way of the dreams of their peers. if we compare ourselves and judge, none of us will step out from what we all consider “acceptable”. we’ll all quit changing and growing and worse, we’ll all become the same.
think well of others. think well of yourself. compare only who you are to the person you wish to be and grow into them.