Things to Adore

…a pinhole look into the life of one not-so-ordinary girl.

AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

it’s march fifteenth and i haven’t posted anything for five days. i don’t know about you, but my life is flying by faster than i even realize and that is a big issue for me.
i have a bone to pick with you, adulthood. you need to slow it down a notch or else!

the years:
almost ten since derrick and i met.
almost nine since we got married.
just over eight since we had blaise.
over six since we went to school in charlotte.
five since we went to england and conceived posie (haha).
over four since we had posie.
three since we moved from nc to sc.
three since derrick started working at kudu coffee and craft beer (instagram: @kuduchs).
two years since we discovered blaise’s chiari one malformation and syringomyelia.
one year and eight months since blaise had chiari decompression surgery.
one and a half years since we moved from the suburbs to downtown.
one year and two months since i found out i was pregnant with hesper.
just over a year since derrick turned thirty.
and almost six months since hesper was born.

i feel as though for every major event in my life that has the potential to drown me (major surgery on my six year old child’s brain, childbirth and newborn stages of my first two kids) i start living underwater. not drowning, but not hearing the world around me properly or seeing it clearly. i can move and go on, my head comes above water for air every time i absolutely need it, but then i go back under.

it takes me a while to swim back to shore; back to my life and my feeling like i’m living it fully, and completely presently, and intentionally.

except this time with hesper. she has been an extremely difficult baby to care for. apart from the dairy and soy issues, (which means i haven’t had dairy since she was eight weeks old — and have cut out soy for four weeks now — which is much harder than dairy!) she has had a sinus infection five times since she was born. that’s once a month for five and a half months. it takes at least a couple weeks to really set in and finally disappear. that’s right folks, about every two to three weeks she developed sinus drainage/congestion that leads to infection.

but despite all of this, i’ve remained happy, functional, cute (if i do say so), strong, hopeful, and at peace. this is a milestone for me. a milestone. while hesper is growing and becoming less and less needy; less and less desperate for me to hold her most of the time, i am growing up too. i am becoming less and less nervous of what is around the corner. that i can handle this baby, my other two, the house, the schedule, keep up with friends and family, dress cute (it’s important to me — makes me feel good) and have something left for derrick once he gets home from work.

i used to doubt myself so often. i used to think i couldn’t do it. i’ve grown up. i realize only now just how very much.

i’ve got a handle on my emotions like never before. i am learning to function as my best self and to be transparent with my kids (as far as is appropriate for their age) so that they grow up only with their own (hopefully minimal!) individual, inevitable insecurities and character flaws and not with mine added upon theirs.

how have you grown up?

xoxo

Advertisements

7 comments on “AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

  1. Holley
    March 15, 2013

    Who’d have thunk pretty lil Hesper would be such a handful!!? I guess she can’t have it all! Keep up the good work, you and Derrick are a pretty awesome team!

    • Maeve
      March 15, 2013

      holley, she has always always been a happy baby! she’s just felt so poorly so often she got used to being held…. this week she is finally realizing she likes to be down with her toys using her muscles to move around. phew!
      thanks for the kind words…. are you guys visiting this weekend?! xo

  2. sonworshiper
    March 19, 2013

    One of the biggest changes for me has been pinning on E-7 and learning to act as a Senior NCO. Realizing that the Air Force pays me to have and express an opinion to leadership is a huge responsibility. I am supposed to be part of the instituition, working to change it for the better. I don’t get to complain like an outsider or disgruntled young Airman; I get to step up and fight for their concerns and their needs within proper channels.

    I am happy for you on your growth. Seems like forever ago all I knew you as was one of the passionate teenagers that would worship expressively at church. Glad you’re continuing to express yourself!

    • Maeve
      March 20, 2013

      David, that’s really interesting. Growing up with a father who didn’t speak much about work at home (or to his children, I suppose) I have never considered the extreme difficulty it must be to change ways of leadership, attitudes of fellow military men etc. It must be frustrating as so many things, I would assume, are set in stone for and about you long before you arrive at your post.

      thank you for your comment. I remember you always playing U2 on the piano and thinking you were pretty cool for playing that in church. haha

      • sonworshiper
        March 21, 2013

        Most of the modern worship songs might as well be U2 (structurally speaking) so why not! 😀

  3. jemtree
    March 21, 2013

    I became a mom at 29. I had almost 3 decades to learn how to be selfish and think about “mememe”. My transition to momhood was ugly.

    The first 2 weeks of my first baby’s life were the hardest and scariest of my entire life, and believe me, that is saying a lot. She lost a full pound after being born a month early, and I was trying to learn how to breastfeed her. Thankfully I had encouragement from people at church, including your mom Maeve, to not give up breastfeeding. I am so very glad I pushed through. She finally started gaining weight at 2 weeks, and we had some rough times, like clumsily trying to feed her in public and getting a yeast infection in my milk ducts. She is 13 now, and she’s one of the best accomplishments of my life, and a reminder of how much God changed my life when she was born. When she was born, the “mom” me was born. As a mom, she and I are both 13, and trust me, we both have some seriously real “adolescent” days.

    You inspired me to blog about it more, here: http://jemtree.wordpress.com/2013/03/22/how-have-you-grown/
    Thanks! 🙂

    • Maeve
      March 22, 2013

      Jami, although I have no clue what it’s like to become a mom close to 30, I do know that it was an extremely difficult and almost hopeless transition becoming a mom at 18. Whatever measure you had in selfishness, I had in immaturity and selfishness. NIGHTMARE.
      but it’s all worked out and we’re having so much fun! what a treasure Blaise is. I wouldn’t trade him for anything!

      Thanks for commenting and likewise being inspired. I look forward to reading your post!
      xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on March 15, 2013 by in Life, Motherhood, Parenting, Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , .
%d bloggers like this: