Things to Adore

…a pinhole look into the life of one not-so-ordinary girl.

WHERE MY THOUGHTS HAVE BEEN

“There is the ‘you’ that people see and then there is the ‘rest of you’. Take some time and craft a picture of the ‘rest of you’. This could be a drawing, in words, even a song. Just remember that the chances are good it will be full of paradox and contradictions.”
– Brennan Manning

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my expectations: of people; my relationships; my future; my habits; my ideas; my dreams. I’ve been thinking about how I tend to lose sight of the very tiny steps in the process of my best intentions and expectations for these aspects of me.
— Was that clear?

What I mean is: I have an idea of how to get where I’m going, in most any form in my life, and I (either out of impatience, laziness, or sheer busy-ness) try to skip steps (most small, still important). This leaves one conclusion.
I must think very highly of myself. I must assume that I don’t have to put as much work into the aspects of my life that I want to look different. I can pick and choose, at will and whim, what steps I may take, which I may skip, which I may rush through, and still get the same result as those who are diligently trudging through and living through what comes with conscious hearts and present minds. Deciding through it all, “This is part of the process. This will help me get from A to B.”
Or even, “I am not sure what this is for. I will do my best, I will make it through, and no matter what I’ll be a better person if I handle it this way instead of that. Because handling it that way will only bring about that result, and that result wouldn’t be a good addition to the ‘me’ I am growing.”

Don’t kid yourself: you are always changing. I am not being some uber-freak who attaches spiritual meaning and connotations to everything that moves within my sense or sight (or within the sense/sight of those around me). Ask anyone who knows me. I take great precautions to call the natural world, the natural world. All of us, every last one, change all the time. It’s just hard to realize because most of us don’t write down most of our thoughts and feelings, nor do we record our words in those unguarded moments with friends. Those are the times when we can really tell how we’ve changed.

So I’ve been searching and marking myself. I’ve been trying to remind myself to consciously choose my steps. To look ahead and remember where I’m going; what sort of person I’m growing into, and to choose those tiny steps to get there. Every day.

Advertisements

2 comments on “WHERE MY THOUGHTS HAVE BEEN

  1. sonworshiper
    July 5, 2012

    There are several areas in my life where your thoughts hit the mark. (Maybe it is better stated that how I am taking your thoughts is hitting the mark for me.) I do want to see change in these areas, but how much do I want that change? Do I only want it enough that I hope for getting there by way of shortcuts or skipped steps? Or do I want it bad enough to put the hard work in — the work everyone who is there says you have to put in if you want to get there. Not what I wanted to hear, but what I need to remember. Thanks, Maeve!

    • Maeve
      January 4, 2013

      Exactly! And I have to remind myself that I won’t just get nowhere if I take the shortcuts and skip steps but I will get somewhere entirely different than where I want to be. I’ll arrive at a counterfeit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on July 2, 2012 by in Life, Thoughts and tagged , , , , , .
%d bloggers like this: